Why Do It? w/ Ekin Bernay
Taking action is far more than simply taking a step. It means carrying the weight of an idea, balancing belief and doubt, and sometimes continuing despite yourself. Before winning or losing comes something else: that first courage. Not a misplaced courage, but the outward spill of a truth you already know deep down. No matter how difficult, how long, how fragile the road may be… there is still an inner voice that pushes you forward. The real confrontation is facing that sincere question in your mind: Why are you doing this?
For Ekin, creativity is like opening a new path in a dark forest. Her struggle with rigid forms began in childhood; she carries an inner voice that both breaks boundaries and rebuilds them. She’s honest enough to say that when she can’t create, her breath feels constricted. “I actually like being a bit of an outsider. I enjoy staying on the outer circle,” she says while talking about her relationship with herself. For her, belief is as much a trigger as fear; Ekin dances on a fine line between getting lost and growing stronger.
DUYGU What does an ordinary day look like for you?
EKİN Lately, my day starts with coffee and music. Then I train. After that, research related to whatever I’m working on: watching videos, diving into something, my cat, my home… A small but nourishing routine has formed.
DUYGU When and how did you stop setting limits for yourself?
EKİN I’ve had an issue with things that exist within rigid forms ever since I was a child. So maybe, instinctively, I’ve always had a problem with boundaries. Sometimes I try to break them, sometimes I try to set them. In some ways, boundaries are very useful. In other situations, not having boundaries can be a problem. But breaking patterns and being a little more unconventional feels like a more comfortable place for me. That’s how it feels. I also like being in a slightly foreign position. I enjoy staying on the outer edge.
DUYGU When you look at where you are now, do you think it was your strength that brought you here, or your fears?
EKİN Maybe both. Anxiety and fear push me into action somehow, but I’m also resilient. There’s a part of me I’d call the strength not to give up. In the work I do, it feels like there’s always a closed path ahead of me. You know how when you’re walking in a forest, the trail ends and you have to find a new one? I have to create a new direction every time, build a new world. I have to convince myself, and my team, all over again.
There’s a childlike, bewildered, blind belief inside me. A belief I don’t fully understand, but one that pulls me toward something. If I don’t follow it, I become unhappy. Periods when I don’t produce are dark periods for me.
DUYGU Which one feels stronger: the fear of not trying, or the fear of losing?
EKİN Not trying doesn’t exist for me. If I see a dream, if an image forms in front of me, it becomes something I have to reach. Not trying feels like being dishonest with myself.
When you create a performance, you’re essentially dreaming. And to make that dream real, you have to build its habitat. Sometimes an idea sleeps for five years. When I look through my notebooks, it comes back to life. Other times, an idea that’s slept for too long suddenly emerges at the same moment from another body, somewhere else in the world. That’s the zeitgeist. Sometimes we’re all thinking the same things.
DUYGU We live in an era where everything is copied so quickly, where everything starts to look alike. Your work sits right at the centre of this visual world. How do you stay original?
EKİN It’s very hard. There’s a project I’ve been working on for over a year. I build my mood boards entirely from my inner world. I take objects from very random places and bring them together through movement.
One day during rehearsal, we’re experimenting with an object. That same evening, my dancer sends me a video from Russia, someone else experimenting with the exact same object that very day. In that moment, you start doubting your originality. How is it possible that someone on the other side of the world tries the same thing, on the same day, in the same way?
On one hand, when I see something similar, I wonder, “Did they get influenced?” But I know that most of the time, it’s completely independent. So I’m constantly scanning myself and the team: “Have we seen something similar? What’s the closest reference?” But there’s no end to that. We’re part of a very large cycle now. I want to believe that I’m original, but there will always be people who think otherwise.
DUYGU Believing in yourself, staying resilient, finding the courage to continue… these are some of the biggest struggles today. What motivates you?
EKİN There’s no alternative for me. This work is my way of living. If I don’t produce, I can’t breathe. I always need to move toward an idea, a dream, an image. That’s my inner engine. My most real moments are when I’m creating a performance. Everything else feels like set design, like makeup. The essence is what I produce. My curiosity never ends.
You hear “no” a lot. “This isn’t possible,” “You’re dreaming again.” Sometimes I genuinely think, “Is something wrong with me?” But somehow that idea sits behind you like a mountain, or like a pile of garbage, poking at you. You keep pulling at it, pulling… and then suddenly you open it up, and something comes out.
“I’ve had an issue with things that exist within rigid forms ever since I was a child. So maybe, instinctively, I’ve always had a problem with boundaries. Sometimes I try to break them, sometimes I try to set them. In some ways, boundaries are very useful. In other situations, not having boundaries can be a problem. But breaking patterns and being a little more unconventional feels like a more comfortable place for me. That’s how it feels. I also like being in a slightly foreign position. I enjoy staying on the outer edge.”
Ekin Bernay
DUYGU When people say “no” to you, it feels like the possibility of “yes” inside you grows stronger.
EKİN Yes, let them say it. But sometimes the idea is so seemingly impossible that I struggle to explain it with words. Sometimes I’m misunderstood. I don’t know what it would be like if everyone constantly said “yes.” Maybe I’d fall apart even more. At times, I’ve drifted into other fields like dance therapy. But in the end, I always find my way back. Movement is always at the centre.
FROM BASED ISTANBUL N45 10TH ANNIVERSARY ISSUE: BRAVE MONOLOGUES
Talent Ekin Bernay
Creative Direction & Interview by Duygu Bengi
Photography by Yağız Yeşilkaya
Fashion Direction by Umut Sımsıkı
Styled by Naz Paksoy
Makeup by Alper Kabadayı
Hair by Talat Kıvrak
Produced & Words by Tunga Yankı Tan
Creative Agency BI Creative
Creative Team Duru Ustaoğlu, İrem Ekinci
Gaffer Onur Karaca
Camera Assistant Furkan Kumaş
Makeup Assistant Rana Gülsoy
Styling Assistant İrem Geçer
Lighting Assistant Murat Agrak
Special Thanks to Focamia