Hazar Ergüçlü: Staying excited is associated with childhood. I think that being afraid of growing up, fearing that this thrill will be lost is wrong. What we call the children in ourselves is not something that disappears by growing up or taking responsibilities. On the contrary, the more we are aware of ourselves, the more of it will show up. This won’t cause a division and I think awareness preserves it. The thrill we call ‘childhood’, call it love, passion or anything, is growing up with you no matter what.
Does your awareness trigger your fears?
Hazar Ergüçlü: The more we know and learn the more we will fear, it will always be like this. It will never end. Fear itself is one of life’s basic motivations for me. What is life? What could it be more than that? Things happen to you, scare you. You either stop or transform.
What is the place of regret in your life?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I never regret! There are times that I scorn myself, feel guilty but I never beat up myself for it.
Is this a perk of facing your mistakes?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I face my mistakes very hard, harder than anyone can… Maybe this is the reason why I became more solid, flatter everyday…
How do you define being ‘straight-forward’?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I become clearer. For example, I am not afraid of being not to be loved., I don’t care about it anymore.
Is love the opposite of violence?
Hazar Ergüçlü: If we concrete both in term of intensity, they are very big emotions. They are huge, take a lot of space but they are very different. When we feel the love we enlarge but violence puts us down, we become constricted. This is how it reflects itself on our bodies. Love is light and coherent, violence is wearing and tiring. It is like poison, we can’t get it out of our system.
How do you balance these feelings?
Hazar Ergüçlü: Auto-suggestion… I realize what I am doing and rein back.
Does being controlled cleanse you from your greed?
Hazar Ergüçlü: Greed is not something that disappears. It can only be concealed.
Hazar Ergüçlü: I’m used to hiding but I am learning to reveal them.
How did that that sudden change happen?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I have never asked this question before. You could make me do anything regardless of the state of our relationship. A stranger could come up and ask for something and I felt like had to do what they ask for. My psychologist said, one day; “what could happen if they don’t love you?” and I realized I had never thought that. Yes, these people were not important to me. I wouldn’t lose anything If they got offended and this had never occurred to me.
Trying not to offend is actually not about from caring…
Hazar Ergüçlü: Yes, because I am the one to blame. I feel this feeling very often.
Are you a person who acts with anger?
Hazar Ergüçlü: This is what makes me wake up in the mornings.
Do your anxieties surface with getting to know yourself more?
Hazar Ergüçlü: Yes, it is like poison… It makes our life miserable and for nothing and I know that it is wrong, being this anxious is actually because we care ourselves so much. Yes, we are not even a speck of dust, but we are here. When the man on the supermarket doesn’t say “Good morning!” to me I feel hurt and I care about it. Yes, you say I am not at the centre of the universe, I shouldn’t care about this, but you are at the centre. Because it hurts when you fall down, you only think that you’re hurt, you don’t think to be a speck of dust or the universe. So yes, I have anxieties.
Hazar Ergüçlü: Peace. I am trying to get rid of my anxieties. I realized that even when I am in the shower, I think about what happened at the set, what are they talking about or how people see me. I don’t want to think about those things. If I am taking a shower, I just want to take a shower. It is actually very simple.
It is surprising that you care about what other people say…
Hazar Ergüçlü: Tragically!
What is your precaution?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I don’t read, hear, look. I’m not interested in their compliments or ridicules in any shape or form. I don’t define myself through their judgements. I stay at my house, don’t go out. If I offend I offend, I don’t get angry. I tried to live like as if this fame situation never happened.
Hazar Ergüçlü: I was so afraid of it before and I did not have a thorough idea about this. I didn’t know what I was doing exactly.
Everyone’s experience about being famous is unique…
Hazar Ergüçlü: I don’t know if I would choose this. Half of me likes and is okay with it but half of me hates it and this situation is very restricting. This
is also not like me at all. I don’t think that embracing it is right and
I try to not let it restrict me. Yes, something like this can happen…It can be great for most people, but I chose not to be thankful. I am tired of being a saint. I had enough of the illusion of celebrities being beautiful, role models and unattainable and that they live the life of everyone’s dream. There no such a thing, it is a big lie. Extremely boring and even paranoid.
Hazar Ergüçlü: I don’t really like reading comments, but like, I read everything when the pilot of the show I’m in airs. I have to do that because of my job. It’s the same with movies. I care about the writer’s opinions. When I am starting a new project, I definitely read comments. What are they saying? What am I thinking? Do we intersect? What should I do and how? I definitely ask for Onur’s (Ünlü) opinion. I don’t ask much people because everyone would come and tell me. This is the nature of this job.
How do you define acting?
Hazar Ergüçlü: It is a job. I take pleasure from it. I got this job by accident and I am very lucky because of it.
Hazar Ergüçlü: It wasn’t planned. I was living in a small island such as Cyprus” and all of this was impossible for me. I didn’t have great ambitions and desires. Acting represents this transformation journey for me. Very instructive, heavy and it consists of every element of fast life and this is just right for me!
You are seen as ‘lucky’ in the industry. A rising graphic, a career which progresses step by step… Enviable projects both on the small screen and the big screen… How do you make those decisions?
Hazar Ergüçlü: It may be good or bad, but I am someone who takes life too seriously. I think as I get older it will ease off, but it is what it is for now. Therefore, I evaluate every opportunity too seriously. It might be cliché but I’m trying to listen to my heart. Not just on the set but also in my personal life. I owe everything good in my life to those shows. If it wasn’t for them I would have not lost my hesitations and would have stayed a newbie. I have been doing this for 10 years and I still shake when there is a close shot. If I didn’t go through this I would be devastated. You have to work hard, learn all you can and never run from yourself.
Hazar Ergüçlü: This is a very personal situation, this is what works for me. Every time I tried to run, I force myself back. I am already someone who
is not content with herself, someone who lives with the burden of guilt. I am very controlled, I try to minimize the risks and thus works so hard. If I was someone who is content, I wouldn’t have the need to think this deep.
Do you think that creating starts with accepting the reality of the country you live? How do you scrape the condescending culture that surrounds us?
Hazar Ergüçlü: We associate certain things just with geography. Yes, geography is destiny, but the rest of the world is not different from Turkey. Condescending start when you focus on the outside. If you achieve existing by yourself, there will be nothing to disdain. Feeling useful from other people’s failures is something only people who escape from themselves, who avoid putting an effort would do. If your concerns are about yourself, you will find peace.
What do you dream of?
Hazar Ergüçlü: I am afraid of planning things like this. I am someone who is “used” to think negatively but I am trying to change that. Though this process, I realized that I am better when I am fluid. I don’t want to be solid anymore, I want to flow with life.