Rules to Holding Your Head High at an Opening

Are you drinking too much at openings? Do you find yourself dancing at an art opening as if you are at a rave? Do you even look at the art? Is this you?

Here are our rules to looking like you know about Art.

1. Always start a sentence with; “so look Chris” – it actually looks like you are about to say something important. You will hold their attention for at least an extra minute to be remembered at the next opening.
2. Smile at that person next to you, and then politely move away. It looks like you know them, but you are not interested in talking, because you have someone more important to talk to (probably just your girlfriend who you talk to everyday, but they don’t know). Note: if you have no one important to talk to next, move to a dark corner for a max of 10 minutes.
3. Do not drink the cheap wine. Note to self… avoid it… unless you are just standing in a dark corner, because you actually probably will need that glass if you preached Rule number 2.
4. Make sure you wear a kimono as your statement outfit – you have to get photographed and look like you know about art… riiiightttt.
5. Talk about the Kardashians and how they have re-defined pop culture and art. This will justify the hours you spent watching episodes of Kim’s baby weight and Khloe’s hectic schedule with Lamar’s desperate fight for life.
6. By now you are drunk and dancing as if you are at a rave… well duh. Who said you know anything about art?

Bye Felicia.

Note: This was written in anticipation for Ahmet Polat’s upcoming exhibition “A Bridge To Far” at X-Ist from the 3rd of March.